'Once upon a time' flies by
And the awaited 'happily ever after'
Never seems to arrive
But 'the end' is too finalized

It seems so possible
That nothing truly ends
Exchanges, maybe
Changes, rearranges
But all of life is conserved

Brief pauses
Through seasons passed
Assuming that
Life's concluded at last
But how can we be so sure?

Feelings never seem to fade
Love is never truly lost
Misplaced
But never thrown away

The heart seeming
So inconsistent in its burning
Relies on love
Long lingered on

While eyes are blind
The soul can see
What the mind can't find
Desires long thought lost

And the dreams
Dreamt in years past
Cling to the ambition
Still strong
Holding on life long

Every wish
Upon every mystical star
Stands clear in the heart
And in the majestic night
We still pray they come true

People
Friends, Family
Loves
All thought to be chased away
Are never really gone

Out of sight
Not necessarily
Out of mind

And the hope that strains
As it continues on
Though seems to fade
Lasts
And lasts
Conserved

So, the fairytales were wrong
Happily ever after, the end
Won't ever come
Instead, a constant cascade

Of hope

Of dreams

Of friends

Of love

Never more innocent a tear has fallen
Fresh
Salty from the heart’s deepest caverns
I wait
And another perfect drop
Slides stealthily downward
Escaping mine eyes
For even they resent
The fury concealed within such darkened orbs

One would think of this rage
As a pent up past
But so wrongly do they assume
For the past-
The past is my comfort
I thrive off of its familiarity
And wish only for its return

And
With each sunset
I regret the rise that will succeed
It leads us so blindly to another day
Another chance to fail
Leaves us with a sense of anxiety
Of not knowing what’s to come
As even death can tread so closely
When watched so blindly

I hear the tick tock; the clock mocking me
I see the pendulum pivoting; provoking my calm repose
I feel what I suppose is eternity entering into its synchronized rhythm
I grasp hold of the only time that I know

I deny my disease; disclaim that I live in the past
I pretend to prosper; stuck here in the present, still -
I dream of a morning sun that will lead me back to yesterday
I understand decidedly, though, that he never will

I wonder if time will ever slow; show consideration for our transitional tempo
I wish only for the memories; recollections of retired desires
I hope that whatever transpires we can remember the better days; deader days
I believe that they inspire us all to take life one step at a time
I am hopeful, eager, faithful - but
I am still trapped in my past

'You wouldn’t know how I felt about you if I wrote it on a wall. You were the only thing keeping me alive, and now I’m dead.'

Your words echoed in the back of my mind. I wake up in a gasp for breath, gaining consciousness as my eyes open wide to the dark emptiness of three in the morning. It was raining outside. Tiny droplets were resting on my windows, and with each stroke of lightning, they cast shadows upon my walls. It took me a while to realize that I was shivering. When I reached over to grab a blanket, however, all I caught was chilly air. They had fallen on the floor, and now I was selfishly using this to distract me from the thoughts that had haunted me in my sleep.

I settled back into my bed, frowning heavily upon the expansive white of the ceiling, remembering our latest of conversations. Things had always seemed to go in circles between us, back and forth until I felt attacked and you felt empty. Until I was ready to cry and you were simply throwing words around for such a reaction. I suppose you were as tired of this as I was, but I could never tell if our thoughts were so similar or so different.

What I want to know is which is worse: recklessness or manipulation? We knew enough about both of them to make things miserable between us, and yet, we couldn’t stay away from each other. I was pushing forward and you were slowly tugging back, driving thoughts into my head, like spikes through my heart, insisting that you were only showing me how you were hurting inside. I’ll say that most of it wasn’t even my fault. You said that God hated you, that he wanted you dead. You were just giving up. You didn’t realize that God simply wanted you to realize that you were still alive. You should be grateful. Yet, I’ve never woken up choking on my own blood. Still, you survived. Everything should be fine, now. Maybe I’m just being optimistic.

Things felt empty, staring into this eternity. It would change eventually, when the alarm on the dresser would sound. When the world starts to spin again. When I crash out of bed and slip obtusely back into existence. Like the circle piece of a clueless kid being shoved into the square cutout, because everybody knows that it won't fit.

Maybe I am simply being melodramatic. I have an extraordinary talent for doing so. Still, somehow this feels justified. For once, it seems I have a sufficient reason for worry and pessimism.

I bet you understand that when you’re numb enough, you don’t even remember getting dressed or brushing your teeth. I’m just starting to realize how you can magically arrive where you’re supposed to be, fully ready, having no idea how you got there. Well, how did I get here, now?

This is where the beautiful scarf starts to unravel.

This is where the creator dropped a stitch.

This is where it all comes crashing down.

This is where you walk up to me, hysterical, screaming, “Well, I hope you’re happy, now!”

Then you show me the pictures the police took an hour ago. When the alarm on the dresser started wailing and millions, minus one, woke up for a new day.

All I can see is the ‘I Love You’ scrawled in blood on the wall, crimson in the camera’s flash.

All I can see is the hole is your head, the gun at your side.

All I can see is the world ending with one last breath, one last gasp.

And you’re gone.

'You wouldn’t know how I felt about you if I wrote it on a wall. You were the only thing keeping me alive, and now I’m dead.'

I lost my sight
No more can I see
The parasites of life

The demon eyes
Of our mortal world
No longer haunt me
With their hellish glow

Still

They're there
As I feel them
Red, hot
Beaming maliciously
Scanning me
Observantly
Waiting for me to cringe

In losing my sight
Blinding me
Hiding me from the demons
I also lost the light
The brilliance
Bright

So evident before
Now it's hidden
In the darkness that is mine

But like the burning
The eyes beaming
I sense the light
I feel the comfort
Its warmth
Cleansing me

So shall I
With the advantage of my faith
Forever know
The demons still lurk
But more importantly
The light still shines